spicyshimmy: ademska milks the elephant, a fanart
Dragon age 2 is stupid, annoying, loud and a incoherent mess.
The characters are just plain bad. Like written by a lonely landwhale who likes Twilight. Isabella is a dick joke stretched too far, Fenris is jRPG cliché , Merril makes no fucking sense and they turned Anders in to a emo terrorist who is suddenly gay. What the fucking fuck. The Qunari leader is fucking annoying with his “Holier than thou” character but the Viscount takes the dipshit crown. Will explain later. The writing of the characters makes it actually look like Anders is the main villian of the game. Yes, it is actually this fucking bad.
The gameplay is fucking terribad. Instead of creating fun combat situations with a variety of enemies, carefuly positioned to create a challange, you instead fight the same “melee drone” for the whole game. I am not even kidding. For the whole game. Here and there you will have a archer drone and sometimes even a mage, but that is a rare event. They just randomly appear and you have to push buttan to recieve awesum. Not only that but they actually appear from thin air. Literally. They spawn around you. I have never seen something this lazy.
The design is even more terribad. Kirkwall is one big grey lifeless wall and random NPCs have PS2 graphics. The ones you talk to are ok, but the rest are really like that. The map design is probably the worst of this. They actually made a game with more corridors than FF13(14?). Seriosly. Open ground is gone. There are just looong corridors with enemies spawning in. With long vistat giving you the false impression that there is actually something to explore. Another insult is the constant re-using of places. If you saw one house interior, you saw them all. Spider cave will look the same as a mine shaft and so on. The only difference is that there will be huge stone doors to block any further exploration.
story is a joke. It is terribly paced, as it jump once one year, the second time 3 year (or more, correct me on this one). Then they actually have to tell you how much fun you had that one year as a mercenary. Oh, you didn’t have fun? Maybe because you didn’t get to fucking play it you dipshit.
The whole third act is just the Mage tower quest from DA:O, copy-pasted and stretched to fill the whole act. The Qunari invasion makes no fucking sense. The Viscount will let a race of warrior people who depise anything non-Qun, fully armed, in to his own city? Is he fucking retarded?
>But gectdnyp, the Qunari value their weapons over their lives. Thy are like their souls or something, they would never give their weapons to dirty non-Qun peasant races.
In that case, don’t let the fuckers in. Problem solved. They are ship wrecked, let them take care of themselves. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
>But they could easily conquer the city anyway, so he HAD to let them in!
And that is where one of the plot holes pop in. How exactly? How would they siege an entire city? Did they ship wreck with battering rams and siege towers? Do their now ret-conned horns serve as battering rams? And don’t start with the fucking gunpowder or mages, they didn’t have enaugh of either of those to make a difference against a prepared city. Shit makes no fucking sense.
DA2 is terrible. I am not saying you shouldn’t like it. But it is a rushed, dumbed down game written by hacks. You know better. Don’t buy this game.
ademska: lmfao may i direct you to the thousands of words of meta essays and hardcore gay pornographic fanfiction ive written
this game sux