“EPITHETS!” yelled the short, grumpy, red-eyed cancer.
the lesson for today, class, is when to use epithets rather than names or pronouns — and when not to.
- when the character’s name is unknown, so there’s really no other way to refer to them:
Two goons in suits blocked my way. “You ain’t going nowhere,” said the ugly mook. The even-uglier mook just grinned.
- to draw attention to the role or function described:
Bill was so excited to meet Obama, he was a little worried he’d end up remembering today as the day he threw up on the president.
- as in-character commentary to flesh out the POV’s voice:
You stand back and nudge the door open with your toe in case of falling buckets, but it seems the windy dipshit has given up on that particular tired prank.
(NOTE: use this last one SPARINGLY. consider your own internal monologue. how often do you think of people by anything but their names? too much of this trick breaks immersion.)
DO NOT USE EPITHETS:
- to avoid using pronouns.
- to avoid using names.
- to remind the reader of physical characteristics you should’ve described elsewhere.
- to remind the reader of physical characteristics they already know perfectly well because they wouldn’t even be reading your damn fanfic if they weren’t familiar with canon, come ON people.
- to try to sound erudite or poetic.
- for any other stupid reason. i’m serious. i will come over there and hit you.
- i’m not kidding.
- fucking stop.
behold pure beauty
just your friendly neighborhood ademska requesting a permanent moratorium on referring to stiles as “boy” in fanfic where he’s doing adult sex things please please
in light of recent events (ie me decompressing from the weekend with fanfic instead of being a reasonable human being) i feel like this needs to be reiterated
by which i mean
i will shout this from the fucking heavens
look im sorry if you don’t like the idea of stiles in a loose tie pulling derek into his lap and pushing his fingers into him and whispering how pretty he is jerking himself off for stiles then your life is sad and greyscale like the beginning of a zoloft commercial and i pity u
Wow. I don’t like that idea so you’ll mock me for it? Say you pity me? Compare my life to a fucking antidpressant commercial? FYI, I have depression and fandom was supposed to be the one cheerful corner in my life. So fuck you.
might I recommend a glass of wine and also cookies? P.S. I haven’t had time to read it yet, but I’ve heard great things, even without the missing scenes. P.P.S. did I mention wine?
i am home from work hell and absolutely double chugging some pgrig right now, son
(also thank you :»» i hope you like it)
FOR ANYONE INTERESTED: the missing scenes have been restored and can be found here.
i just noticed there is an ENTIRE MISSING SET OF SCENES in the art of dying well. i’ve had a shitass day as is, and knowing 18k people missed an entire huge chunk of fic is just
hi pals im gonna fix it when im off work barfs on everything